I'll get right to the point regarding how this important part of relationships is workingout for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life communicate make you feel loved and appreciated?
Or does it only frustrate you and make you feel sad, alone, and misunderstood?
If you don't know what to say to a man to start open conversations about your relationship and the feelings you're both having without triggering him to pull away... then creating a real relationship where you can truly love and support each other is going to be an impossible struggle.
There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and share his feelings with you... even if he's never been this way before in a relationship?
The reality is, most men don't just open up and communicate the way you want and need them to.
And because of this, lots of women end up trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing all the "work" in their relationship.
Of course, this just drains you and encourages the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more.
The things that allow you and a man to listen, hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in your relationship.
Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each other, it doesn't mean you're going to have thekind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOTgoing to make the lack of communication and sharing you have in your relationship better.
But you're thoughtful and generous for tryingthis and caring enough to give even more of yourself.
Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the pointof frustration and emotional break-down isn't going to help you - or him.
So then what should you do?
There are a few essential "keys" to building an "open line" of communication in your relationship with a man that will prevent him from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming distant no matter what happens between you.
Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with aman (even the most intense ones that scare you too)so that instead of getting irritated or freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive and understanding way?
I've been able to boil down the complex process of what makes talking and communicationin your relationship work so that the more youshare - the more a man is drawn to you and wantsto give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is the "hidden message" behind what you're saying toa man that even you aren't fully aware of - but have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and theresponse deep down you really want from him.
Each time you try and share something with a man, and each time he responds to you (or doesn't)... there's a subtle message being communicated under the surface.
And this is going on even if you don't seethis right now, or believe it's there or not.
Each communication has what's called a "bid"to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" thatis what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now" and do it with a tone of voice that shows he'sfrustrated or annoyed.
This is a "bid."
What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is-
"I don't know if I have the ENERGY and the desire to get into this with you, because I'm afraid it will turn into some big emotional thing,and I'm not willing to go there with you now."
Of course, most men aren't even fully AWAREthat this is what they're feeling or communicating. It's just their instant EMOTIONAL RESPONSE that isn't entirely conscious and thoughtthrough.
Help the man in your life be the one who cantruly hear you and recognize and care for you andyour feelings... and get HIS NEEDS MET at the same time.
Once you learn how to do this, you will instantly become that amazing woman a man feels relaxed, open and "free" around.
Translation - the woman he wants to STAY WITH.
Close the gap between your feelings and whatthe man in your life "gets" about you.
Don't wait for things to fix themselves... or keep waiting for a man to finally "get it" when he hasn't figured it out after all this time
Thursday, December 3, 2009
DANGER.
This is bad for YOU, and for him.
The approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and "needy" to want to be with you, when it's just a few weeks in.
So I hope you haven't started talking about all your feelings of disappointment withhim yet.. because it wouldn't go over wellwith the way you're looking at things.
But here's the worst part of all this...
You already have my eBook and you're stillasking me for the "easy" answer on this, asthough there is some magic pill I can give youthat will make a man act the way you want orexpect him to be.
I'd like to be able to lie and tell you that I could change a man for you.
But I can't... and you know it.
The truth is, I've only got YOU to work with... and you've only got YOUR OWN thinkingand your own behavior that you can use to make a difference.
It's time you started thinking about howyou can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating theRESPONSE you want in a man...
Instead of sitting around frustrated thathe hasn't met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have forhim. (Especially when he doesn't even knowwhat these are.)
. want you to think about the 2 typesof people I talk about... and the kind of"magic mindset" that's going to help younaturally start creating great situationsin your life.
Then I want you to think about how this relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION inside of him.
As opposed to communicating with a man in the way that KILLS tinvolved with a man, or start talkingabout your relationship with him.
The approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and "needy" to want to be with you, when it's just a few weeks in.
So I hope you haven't started talking about all your feelings of disappointment withhim yet.. because it wouldn't go over wellwith the way you're looking at things.
But here's the worst part of all this...
You already have my eBook and you're stillasking me for the "easy" answer on this, asthough there is some magic pill I can give youthat will make a man act the way you want orexpect him to be.
I'd like to be able to lie and tell you that I could change a man for you.
But I can't... and you know it.
The truth is, I've only got YOU to work with... and you've only got YOUR OWN thinkingand your own behavior that you can use to make a difference.
It's time you started thinking about howyou can take RESPONSIBILITY for creating theRESPONSE you want in a man...
Instead of sitting around frustrated thathe hasn't met YOUR EXPECTATIONS you have forhim. (Especially when he doesn't even knowwhat these are.)
. want you to think about the 2 typesof people I talk about... and the kind of"magic mindset" that's going to help younaturally start creating great situationsin your life.
Then I want you to think about how this relates to the idea of COMMUNICATING with a man in a way that creates ATTRACTION inside of him.
As opposed to communicating with a man in the way that KILLS tinvolved with a man, or start talkingabout your relationship with him.
What If He Doesn't Call?
Ever wonder why the man you're dating and having an amazing time with doesn't call you very often?
Or worse... stops calling altogether?
If you've ever had this happen to you witha man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it canbe when a man just suddenly stops callingfor what seems like no good reason...
And you've spent more time than you'd liketo admit wondering what happened and what YOUmight have done wrong.
Most women in this situation fall into akind of trap that seems to work against them...
Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself,they become obsessed with wanting to know what he's thinking and WHY he's acting this way.
But most women also know on an intuitivelevel that coming out and actually asking aman why he's acting this way wouldn't bringabout anything good.
And guess what?
Their intuition is right.
With most men in this situation, if youwant to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings.
It's time you learned what it really means if a man isn't calling... and what to do about it to quickly "turn the tables" in your favor so that he's the one calling and asking you out.
Or worse... stops calling altogether?
If you've ever had this happen to you witha man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it canbe when a man just suddenly stops callingfor what seems like no good reason...
And you've spent more time than you'd liketo admit wondering what happened and what YOUmight have done wrong.
Most women in this situation fall into akind of trap that seems to work against them...
Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself,they become obsessed with wanting to know what he's thinking and WHY he's acting this way.
But most women also know on an intuitivelevel that coming out and actually asking aman why he's acting this way wouldn't bringabout anything good.
And guess what?
Their intuition is right.
With most men in this situation, if youwant to connect with a man and grow closer, then the answer is NOT to try and get him to talk about his thoughts and feelings.
It's time you learned what it really means if a man isn't calling... and what to do about it to quickly "turn the tables" in your favor so that he's the one calling and asking you out.
Friday, October 30, 2009
WHAT IS A "COOL GRIL"
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH A WOMAN
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you.
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you.
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are p Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it oftenhysical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are p Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it oftenhysical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT MEN SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT MEN SAY AND WHAT THEYREALLY MEAN
Have you ever heard a man say something like:
"I'm not ready for a serious relationship."
Or how about this one -
"I want my freedom."
If you've been close in a relationship with aman and he pulled away, then of course you'veheard this before.
Men say this stuff all the time.
Do you know what a man "really" means when hesays these things?
And, do you know WHAT TO DO that can instantlychange a man's predictable behavior of WITHDRAWALor RESISTANCE?
If not, then it's time you stop listening towhat a man will SAY TO YOU about himself and hisfeelings... and start paying attention to what'sgoing on inside his heart and mind.
Have you ever heard a man say something like:
"I'm not ready for a serious relationship."
Or how about this one -
"I want my freedom."
If you've been close in a relationship with aman and he pulled away, then of course you'veheard this before.
Men say this stuff all the time.
Do you know what a man "really" means when hesays these things?
And, do you know WHAT TO DO that can instantlychange a man's predictable behavior of WITHDRAWALor RESISTANCE?
If not, then it's time you stop listening towhat a man will SAY TO YOU about himself and hisfeelings... and start paying attention to what'sgoing on inside his heart and mind.
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